


Valhalla

by Elly_Hiddlesherloki



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And support, Conversations that need to happen, Emotions, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I am frustrated with Thor, Loki needs that, Loki needs unconditional love and support, Odin's A+ Parenting, Spoilers, Takes place after Infinity War, The feels, and post Endgame, and then into Endgame, conversations I want Loki to have with various characters, frustrated with character's treatment of Loki, frustrated with marvel's treatment of Loki, loki deserves better, reader is just pov, the reader insert is casual, there for unconditional love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:11:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elly_Hiddlesherloki/pseuds/Elly_Hiddlesherloki
Summary: Infinity War just started... it seems the sun is not shining in the ways we had hoped.Loki's journey through Valhalla with reader by his side, meeting familiar faces and making amends for past mistakes, pain, and loss.~Spoilers for Endgame~





	1. Chapter 1

“Wake up sleepy head.” You cooed softly.

Loki scrunched his eyes, already shut, keeping them closed. “Five more minutes.” He grunted, rolling away from you.

You stroked his pale cheek with the back of your hand, so cool, so soft, how many years had it been, you wondered. “Loki.” You held his name, dragging out the word.

For a moment he stilled, his whole body tensing. Slowly Loki rolled over, eyes opening as he looked at you, mouth falling open, eyes wide. He breathed your name softly, tears welling in his eyes as he reached out to touch your face. His hand moved slowly, haltingly, as though you were an illusion and might fade at any moment. “Where? How? The dark elves…”

Loki lay on his back, half sitting now as he looked at you, hand still tentatively reaching for your face. You knelt beside him in the grass on the top of a gentle rise in the grassy plains. A gnarled tree cast a soft shadow from the evening light over the two of you and Loki looked around, the perpetual twilight of the land.

“It’s been so many years, I held your lifeless body.” Loki whispered, words catching in his throat.

You took his outstretched hand in yours, pulling it to your face and holding it. Leaning into his touch, you rested your cheek against his cool hands, the long fingers cupping your face perfectly.

Slowly Loki pulled his hand away from you, reaching up to touch his throat. His eyes darkened, ghosts of memories crossed over his vision. “Where are we?”

“Welcome to Valhalla, where fallen warriors find rest.”

Loki swallowed hard, hand moving to his chest, feeling for a familiar pain that no longer ached. “Valhalla?”

You smiled sadly, looking down at your gown and gripping the fabric.

Loki glanced towards the swaying grass, teeth grit. “Valhalla.” He repeated, throat tight. Licking his lips briefly, he looked towards the sky, the clouds passed as though a storm might come but it never did.

“There’s someone who wants to see you.” You held out your hand as you rose to your feet. “She’s missed you a great deal.”

Loki looked up at you, slowly taking your hand and allowing you to pull him to his feet.

-

The two of you moved through the grass at a strange speed, seeming to cover leagues in seconds while spending hours taking steps.

“Where is everyone?” Loki asked as the two of you walked.

“They’re here, and there.” You responded. “It’s complicated. You have to know who you’re looking for or you’ll get overwhelmed by the vast number of lives that have existed throughout history.”

Loki nodded thoughtfully, “Where do humans go?”

“I’m sure you’ll find out.” You glanced over your shoulder and smiled. “You’ve always had a gift for finding connections between worlds.”

Loki chuckled but didn’t respond.

The two of you passed through a small copse of trees and found yourself in a valley of sorts. A quaint stone hut with a welcoming plume of smoke rose from the chimney. Plants of all kind grew on and around the hut, strange shimmering plants that spoke of magic and sorcery. On all sides of the hut, except for a small path, a garden grew in every direction for as far as the eye could see. Animals scurried and chittered about.

“What is this place?” Loki asked softly, the magic strong in the air.

You squeezed his hand.

The cottage door swung open and a regal woman with rose blond hair walked out, smiling warmly. “My son, I’ve been waiting for you.”

Loki glanced at you, then back to the woman. Frigga.

For a long time he stood there in stunned silence.

Frigga clasped her hands in front of her, gently smiling and waiting for a response.

You glanced at Loki and could see a myriad of emotions crossing his face. Guilt, sorrow, anger, remorse, confusion, regret, the emotions flashed continuously and in the span of a second.

Finally he stepped back and shook his head.

“I’m not your son. You said so yourself, those were our last words.” Loki hissed, eyes glazed. He looked away from Frigga, staring bitterly at the ground.

“I have never stopped being your mother, Loki, even in your anger and even in my failures. We have both had our mistakes. Our whole family. I have had a great deal of time to reflect and think on what I would say on this meeting. I have been able to see much of the past and the present through the plants that grow in this place as well, plants that have long been lost to our people.” Frigga whispered softly.

Loki snapped his head to the side bitterly, taking another defensive step back. You gently reached for his hand. He stiffened but allowed you to hold it.

“I did not realize the full extent of what happened to you, as a mother, I couldn’t fathom something so horrible happening to my son and I did not want to. It was easier to accept an alternative.”

“You thought so little of me that I would act so cruelly?” Loki looked up, eyes blazing.

“I couldn’t bear the thought that you had endured something so horrible.” Frigga’s eyes were misty, she shook her head, dabbing at the tears, “I didn’t want to think that it could happen, so I believed a terrible alternative. I didn’t know what to think. I was wrong, Loki. I made grave mistakes and it endangered you.”

Loki looked away.

“You met your sister.” Frigga added.

“Similar to Odin.” Loki muttered.

“I saw what became of her, and through my scrying, I saw how she turned out after her punishment. I feared the same for you. I hoped if I could encourage you to complacency, to ignore the pain of whatever you might have endured, that you could appease… him. That you might at least find a semblance of a life as you once had.”

“Living in a shadow, a life of subservience and acquiescence, accepting the humiliation and degradation, day in and day out, for centuries.” Loki snarled, “You expected me to fall back into that complacency?”

“It would have been better than madness!” Frigga cried, pleading with him, then added, “or worse, death, to lose you. Do you know what it would have done to me, to your brother?”

“I’m dead now, aren’t I?” Loki sneered, “Do you know what his last words to me were?”

Frigga was quiet for a moment before slowly responding, timidly, she said, “Yes.”

“For a thousand years, I did everything for him, went everywhere for him, every abuse, every thrown punch, everything, for him. Always to please the golden son, to be good enough for my dearly beloved brother, and what has it gotten me?” Loki threw out his free arm. “I’m in damned Valhalla. I’m dead. The wretched beast that spent the greater part of a year torturing me into madness killed me and half of our people, and for what? My brother’s brilliant plan to destroy Asgard to kill our half mad sister, crazed because your damned husband can’t figure out how to be a half decent father?” Tears ran freely down Loki’s face.

“We failed you, Loki.” Frigga whispered, bowing her head. “You have every right to hate us, to hate me. I accept this, if your hatred is my penance, so be it.”

Loki’s anger seemed to drain from him as he saw how defeated Frigga looked. She no longer seemed the regal queen, merely a tired and frail woman, cowed by the force of his onslaught. “Mother…” He began softly, his hand reaching out slowly, clenching into a fist.

“I just want you to know, it has always been from a place of love, even if it has been misguided and failed. I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. From the moment Odin brought you back to me, still cold from the wastes of Jotunheim. He laid you in my arms and you looked at me with such wonder and awe, I knew then that you would always be my son. I would always think of you as my child, I did not think of a day coming that you could disown me or hate me as you do, though I understand why you do. I felt such love for you in that moment, even as I do now. My heart swelled, it was as holding any of my other children by birth, you were no different. Odin may have spoke of war or conquest at the time, I don’t remember, his words were drowned out, you have always been my son. When I saw that you were more sensitive than Thor, more open to communication and less blunt action, a diplomat who did not follow so closely to Odin, I began to fear that he favored Thor. Perhaps he did, but I think a small part of me favored you. You understood the complexities of magic like few others have, it reminded me so much of my childhood, and the books that you would devour and the conversations we could have. You are truly deserving of humankind’s naming their north star after you. Loki, I have failed you, I am truly deeply sorry. I don’t know what I could have done differently, but I truly and honestly wish by the nine that I could have done something.”

Loki sighed, and slowly shook his head, “No, mother, I failed you.” He bowed his head. “I was in the prisons, Thor was supposed to protect you. I should’ve stopped Kursed somehow.” He pressed his palm to his forehead, “I’m sure I caused Asgardians to die.”

“It is hard to tell what an enemy of Asgard will do when you offer them advice, regardless of if you tell them to do one thing and mean another, or tell them the actual truth, my son.” Frigga responded gently. She stepped forward and rested her hands on Loki’s shoulders, looking at his bowed head. “You have been through a great deal, I have always been honored to call you my son, and I would be honored to continue doing so.”

Loki looked up at her slowly, a weak grin spreading across his face. Carefully you slid your hand out from his grip and allowed him to move freely. Mother and son embraced each other in a much needed hug.

“Can you forgive me, or at least begin to try?” Frigga asked, head leaning on Loki’s shoulder.

Loki nodded, “Of course.”

“No, no. Take your time. I want you to mean it. You have been through a great deal, and you’ve only just got here. You have all the time you need.” Slowly Frigga pulled away, “Now come, you two, let’s have some tea, I have wonders to show you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers!
> 
> Please comment.
> 
> I’m kinda frustrated at Endgame and how some things have been handled and this is my therapy for it. So I apologize in advance if you do not care for characterization of some people…………… I’m trying to remain in character and objective, but I am also coping with my own frustrations of the movie and giving myself closure that I want (well before the series) was going to write more (you’ll see what I mean) but I guess I’ll do that part another day!

A circle of white rocks surrounded a pool of crystal clear water. Yet though the water was clear as day, the depths were not visible.

Frigga walked over to a small table and lifted a tray of cups. “I saw you coming.” She explained, glancing at the pool.

You and Loki each took a cup, Frigga removing her own, before setting the tray back on the table. She motioned for each of you to take a seat on the floor around the pool. Where you sat seemed to be made of soft pillows, yet the ground had been solid.

Frigga took her seat at the pool’s edge, grabbing a handful of herbs and tossed them into the water. They sank for a moment, rippling the surface before vanishing.

For a moment, nothing happened, the pool merely absorbing the plants. You and Loki waited with hushed breaths.

Slowly the water began to form and make shapes, an image of a battlefield appeared.

Loki inhaled sharply. “The Dark Order…” He breathed softly. You reached out and touched his hand, stroking your fingers over the back of it gently. Loki glanced at you, a soft smile crossing his features, before stoically turning back to the battle. “I see the earth’s mightiest heroes’ numbers have grown since my time there.”

Frigga smiled, “Yes. Intentional or not, it was certainly made clear that greater threats existed in the universe.”

Loki shook his head, “They could have been safe, free of such threats. They played with power they did not understand.”

“There was a time where I thought you had done the same.” Frigga responded.

Loki looked up sharply, eyes hard.

“How ignorant I was.” Frigga finished, looking back down as Wakandan warriors fell in the onslaught.

The bifrost opened and Thor appeared, a raccoon on his shoulder and a Flora colossus by his side. Loki smiled wistfully.

“I don’t recognize that weapon.” You glanced at Loki, “I was aware of Mjolnir’s destruction…”

“Stormbreaker.” Loki explained, grinning. “I had it commissioned during my time as Odin, events were unfolding in the universe, it seemed best to stay ahead of them.” Loki glanced back at Frigga, “Where is the monster now?”

Frigga waved her hand and the scene changed. A barren land appeared, the end of a fight.

Loki tilted his head and squinted, “The metal man?” He leaned forward, watching a bargain unfold. “I see the sorcerer has decided to get involved in Midgard’s lowly affairs.”

“He’s giving one of the Infinity Stones to…”

“Thanos.” Loki breathed softly. “For the metal man’s life.”

A portal opened by the space stone and Thanos vanished.

Loki looked at Frigga sharply, “Where did he go?”

Frigga tossed more plants into the water and the image changed.

Thor rushed at Thanos, Stormbreaker held aloft, the axe flew true, lightning crackling from its blade.

It landed in Thanos’ chest.

Loki’s mouth fell open. The three of you leaned forward. Thanos raised the gauntlet, six stones glistening and…

“No.” You whispered, shaking your head and looking up at Frigga.

“They lost.” Loki finished for you, disbelief heavy in his voice. He looked up at Frigga, “How? That is the most powerful weapon…” Loki looked back down at the frozen image of Thor watching Thanos vanish through the portal. Loki looked back up. Then back down.

Clenching his fist, Loki turned away, teeth clenched.

“There’s more.” Frigga said softly.

“Is this happening now, or has it already happened?” Loki turned back, interested once more.

“It’s hard to say. Time does not match up here as it does there. It has taken me a great deal of time to find out how to see between the worlds.” Frigga explained.

“Please, continue.” Loki said, settling back into his seat.

The Avengers were gathered in a facility, mostly the ones Loki knew, plus a daughter of Thanos who seemed to have changed alliances, the raccoon, and a new woman. Your trio of watchers sat in silence as they schemed a new plan to track Thanos down, he had used the Infinity Stones again.

And then…

“Just like that, he’s dead?” Loki asked, watching as Thanos’ head fell to the ground.

“The stones are gone…” You whispered, “All those people, all those lives, half the universe, gone.”

“Our people.” Loki whispered.

“Do the lives of humans mean so little to you, Loki? I had hoped your indifference was madness.” Frigga admonished.

Loki raised his eyebrow, “Forgive me,” He sneered, “It’s hard to forget that after a literal lifetime of  _father’s_ teachings that suddenly we’re to remember that these mortals are in fact valuable assets, more important than goats at banquet tables.”

Frigga pursed her lips. “You are able to think for yourself.”

“Their lives are fleeting.”

“And yet they live so fully nonetheless.”

“Where were these words to challenge Odin in life?” Loki responded, a touch of poison on his tongue.

Frigga looked down sadly, “It was easier to think and know in my heart than to stand against him.”

“I do not wish death on them, but I have better things to mourn.”

“Is that how you will wile away your time from now until darkness?” Frigga responded.

“Oh no, I intend to learn this land’s secrets. For now though, I wish to know what becomes of my brother. We have been through much and he has never known suffering, I fear how he will handle it.”

“You think Thor has not suffered in his life?” Frigga countered.

“He has known the suffering of a golden child. And now he has lost that. No Odin to enable him, you cannot comfort him, even I cannot gawk in his shadow, desperate for a breath of air, a touch of sun.” Loki responded evenly, a coldness in his voice. “How will the golden son fair, I wonder? His friends who occasionally humored me are dead, courtesy of Hela, Sif is lost in the winds, even our faithful people cannot give him the love and adoration they once did: how could they? The deathtoll on Asgard, the lives halved by Thanos personally and how many more turned to dust? He was sworn to protect our people. I did that for three years, mocked cruelly for it when I turned our forces inward, keeping them from other realms and allowing Asgard to prosper in itself. I turned our wealth to the arts. Did I glorify myself? Perhaps, I daresay I was owed that much for my sacrifice, I would have gone alone, unknown, and forgotten as ever had I not. I am owed that much. Was removing Odin’s powers wrong, it is by right a crime of the realm, but what of the punishment promised to me despite my efforts time and again? Or Thor, who in this situation was valiant and just? I do not regret sending Odin to Midgard. He was the one who chose to die. And where is the fool?” Loki looked around angrily as though Odin might walk out suddenly.

“He was not worthy of Valhalla.” Frigga whispered quietly. “A warrior’s death befits Valhalla, dying with a blade, or weapon, in one’s hand.”

Loki blinked several times, slowly reeling back. “Oh.” He finally finished with a soft mutter.

“Well, regardless if Thor has known suffering before, he knows it now.” Frigga pointed at the water.

Thor stumbled around his hut drunkenly, night after night. The days and nights whirled by, time passing in a blur. Slowly his hair grew out, his muscles sagged, the weight of the world settled on his shoulders, and yet he rarely left his hut.

“He’s a mess.” Loki said, having stood up during his speech and never resumed sitting.

“My poor son.” Frigga whispered, reaching towards the water.

Loki looked at Thor in disgust, “What of our people?”

“Valkyrie cares for them mostly, Thor leaves his hut every month or so to address the Asgardians. They’ve set up a nice little fishing village on the water’s edge.” Frigga explained, still staring longingly at Thor.

“Even now you seek to bolster him.”

“He needs it!” Frigga looked up at Loki.

Loki grit his teeth, “In the depths of my misery, he came to me in my cell. I blamed myself for your death, and he refused to share in our grief, resilient as always. My golden brother.” Loki hissed.

“Your jealousy will wear at you, Loki. Even in death it can destroy you.” Frigga murmured.

Loki looked down at Thor laying on his back, staring morosely at the ceiling. Korg, the rock creature, stood in the doorway with a case of beers. Setting down the case, he closed the door and left.

“I’m disgusted.” Loki whispered. “He’s better than that. I admired him for so long.”

“He is only a man, Loki.” Frigga whispered back.

“We are gods. The god of thunder. Look at him.”

“Do you see yourself?” Frigga asked.

“I see what I could have been.” Loki muttered, “I was given nothing and forged in fire. He was given everything.” Loki shook his head.

“He lost his people.”

“I lost my people. And I fought on, I sacrificed my life for him, to live, not… not for this.” Loki trailed off.

“Living is much harder than dying.”

Loki’s eyes flashed, “Do you forget what happened when the Bifrost broke? When Odin told me, dangling over an abyss, that I was not good enough? When I gave into despair? You think I haven’t met death before? I have been wrenched away from her sweet kiss more times than most, you think I don’t know that living is harder than dying?”

Frigga changed tactics, “He has not known the same pain you have, he has not had to cope as you have.”

“No. I had to alone, everything, always alone.”

You stood up. “You have me.”

“I lost you so quickly.” Loki said, turning to you and cupping your face.

You gripped his neck and pulled him towards your height, leaning your forehead against his. “I did not know you for as long as I wish I had, but I have thought every moment I have been here of you. I have been with you in spirit.”

Loki smiled weakly, thumb stroking along your cheek. He swallowed hard and nodded before slowly pulling away. Looking back at Frigga then down at Thor, he shook his head.

“Brother… what is wrong with you…” Loki slowly knelt down. You knelt down beside him and leaned against him.

“How long has it been?” You asked, noting the new lines on Thor’s face, the length of his hair, the state of the hut.

“I believe five years.” Frigga answered.

“He doesn’t speak with the Avengers, his old friends?” Loki tilted his head.

“He’s broken, my son.” Frigga responded, “He seems to be trying to drink himself to death. You have always been a great source of comfort to him.”

“As he said so frequently.” Loki muttered.

“Do you have no sympathy for your brother, after all you’ve been through?” Frigga asked, a hint of pleading in her voice.

“It’s been five years, he has not said my name once.” Loki replied, watching Dr. Banner and the raccoon leave, Thor stumbling after them.

-

“So time travel? How will that work with the scrying pool?” Loki asked.

“It is attuned to their energies in the cosmos, I believe it will follow them.” Frigga explained, searching for more herbs.

“They’re going back to the Chitauri invasion.” Loki breathed, “Will they see me?”

“It is likely.”

“I wish to follow the metal man as well.”

“You can call him Tony, he seem nice. I think he respects you.” You smiled at him.

“And how would you know?” Loki raised an eyebrow at you.

“What do you think we practiced scrying on before you arrived?”

Loki looked from you to Frigga then slowly smiled, “So it would seem.” He finally responded, shaking his head slowly and chuckling, “Very well.”

Thor sneaked past Loki’s cell, the raccoon in tandem. Without acknowledging them, the Loki in the cell continued to toss a metal cup, ignoring the world around him.

“He ignored me.” Loki whispered softly, “He didn’t even acknowledge my existence… All this grief…” Loki looked up at Frigga. “You said he mourned for the loss of me, surely he would…” He looked down at the empty hall beside the cell. “Wouldn’t he…” Loki watched as Thor worried at the raccoon, fretting over the impending death of Frigga. “Of course he worries for you.” Loki swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. “Is all this sorrow and grief…”

“He didn’t bat an eye when the Warriors three died.” you whispered.

Loki looked at you, “I thought surely I just hadn’t found them on the ship yet.”

“You’re more observant than that.”

Loki looked at Frigga, then to you, back at the pool. “He speaks not my name, he stops not for me in prison, yet is willing to risk any consequences by seeking you out.” A crooked, open-mouthed smile crossed Loki’s face as he continued to blink, tears pricking at his eyes. “Of course.” He licked his lips, nodding slowly. “Yes. My mistake.”

“Loki…” You said slowly, resting your hand on his knee.

Frigga interjected, “He has never been good at expressing his emotions, Loki.”

“He couldn’t be damned to even mention me? Not even to you? To stop at my cell? I’m sure I would have just thought it was that madness setting in!” Loki snarled.

“Your brother doesn’t think like that.”

“There you are, defending him again!” Loki snapped.

“I’m trying to make you see another side!” Frigga protested.

Loki pursed his lips.

“He fixes problems by punching them, he doesn’t know how to tell someone that he is bleeding from his heart, that the closest person to him is gone forever and he is alone in the world and he thinks it’s his fault.”

“It is his damned fault!” Loki roared.

“Loki please.” Frigga pleaded.

Loki trembled beside you, fury radiating from him.

“He wanted you to love him as you always had, for you to step out and be your own person scared him, he needed time to change and adapt to your growth.”

“Pity for him.” Loki snarled.

“People always need time to grow, Loki, even for you. He would have, in time, and perhaps it would have been healthier for you to be away for him during that time, to grow by yourself as he grew by himself. But fate was cruel and took away that chance.”

“But now he has the rock beast, back to hero worshiping him.” Loki shook his head, “Any growth he might have had from having his enablers taken away is gone, he’s going to fall back into the old patterns.”

Frigga sighed and looked down at the pool, Thor triumphantly holding Mjolnir. “So it would seem.”

“Might as well see the Chitauri then.” Loki waved his hand.


End file.
